


The Man Who Can't Be Moved

by thatsmistertoyou



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmistertoyou/pseuds/thatsmistertoyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil meet in real life for the first time. Fast forward and things aren’t as happy-go-lucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 6 parts, but they were really short so I just clumped it all together.  
> Thank you all so much for reading, this was really fun to write. <3 do tell me what you thought of the whole thing, I love your feedback! :)

_October 19th, 2009_

Dan had never been more nervous or excited in his whole life. The only situation that could compare was opening night of the production of Romeo and Juliet in which he played Benvolio. He remembered standing in the wings of the stage: his heart pounding, butterflies permeating his being. When he stepped out onto the stage and began performing, it all disappeared, and he was Benvolio, and nothing could disrupt the clarity of that moment.

He hoped the same would happen today.

He was going to meet Phil in person for the first time. They had wanted this for a long time; their online friendship was certainly ready to be taken to this level. And Dan knew that as soon as he saw Phil, everything would be alright. His mind would be free of all doubt and he would be Dan, without fear. Self-assurance was one of the many things Phil had taught him.

Still, he couldn’t help but shift around anxiously in his seat on the train. Everything’s going to be fine, he told himself.

He knees shook as he got off the train and stepped out into Manchester Piccadilly Station. He had been there once or twice before, but wasn’t familiar enough with it to know where to wait for Phil.

 _I’m here xx where are you? :]_  he texted Phil as he found a bench to sit on. He tapped erratically on the wood and stared at his phone. The woman sitting on the opposite end of the bench scoffed at his tapping and stomped off in annoyance.

 _Almost there! :D_  Phil replied a minute later. Dan couldn’t sit down any longer, and began to pace around the station. His knees continued to shake as he wandered aimlessly around for another minute or two before winding up at the same bench as before.  _Don’t be so nervous don’t be so nervous - but what if he hates you? What if you’re not what he thought you were? -_ _Oh god SHUT UP._  Dan internally fought with himself. He tried to picture Phil’s smiling face when Phil had told him that he was his best friend. That calmed him down a little. He closed his eyes and pictured Phil’s eyes: that calming shade of ocean blue that he loved so much.

That seemed to be doing the trick. He took deep, slow breaths through his nose as he tried to slow down his racing heartbeat. He sat on his hands so he wouldn’t tap them.

“Dan?” he heard someone calling his name, and when he opened his eyes, Phil was standing before him.Phil. was. standing. before. him.

He sprung up from his seat. “Phil!” Phil looked flawless as usual in a plaid shirt, his hair slightly mussed, probably from his own attempts to fix it. He was grinning broadly at Dan, who beamed up at him. They stood there for a moment or two in peaceful silence, appreciating the opportunity to fully take the other in.

Phil threw his arms around Dan and pulled him into a tight hug. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist and pressed himself into Phil’s chest. He had to bend down a little to fit his head in the crook of Phil’s neck, but that didn’t matter. He had never felt more at home.

Dan doesn’t know how long they stood there, but that hardly mattered to either of them. They were the only two people in that station. There was only Phil, who smelled of bus and warmth and some kind of sweet body wash. He had imagined what it would be like to hold Phil in his arms a thousand times prior; this was better.

Dan wasn’t afraid anymore.

They pulled away and Dan blushed. He had imagined everything from a slow-motion run into an embrace to a stiff handshake; that was a happy medium.

“Um, nice to meet you,” he said with a giggle.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” replied Phil with a small bow. Dan laughed.

“Shall we get some Starbucks?”

“Let’s go.”

They walked side by side, and the backs of their hands brushed with flirtatious frequency as they talked. They made eye contact so much that they found themselves bumping into people as they walked, but they didn’t want to look away. If they blinked, they might wake up.

To Dan, it felt good just to be in the presence of his idol. He was really there and they were really going to get Starbucks together and they were really best friends and oh my god he’s even more adorable in person.

They slipped into their normal caliber of conversation just fine, and were discussing the merits of riding Pokemon as a superior form of public transportation by the time it was their turn to order at Starbucks.

“What can I get for you?” the barista asked.

“Caramel macchiato,” they said simultaneously.

“Um, make that two caramel macchiatos please,” corrected Dan. He insisted on paying for both of their drinks.

“Dan and Phil,” the barista called out when their coffees were ready. The phrase had a charming ring to it, Dan thought. They collected their drinks and settled on a couch. Phil squeezed close to Dan so that they were touching from shoulder to foot. Dan didn’t mind at all, nor did he mind when Phil clawed and mimed biting him when he took too long to finish his drink. They had adventures to go on, after all. But Dan would have been content to sit on that couch, with Phil pressed up against him, saying “Dan Dan Dan Dan Daaaaan” impatiently forever. His name sounded so much better when Phil said it.

Especially when it was laced with nervous excitement. Phil was scared of heights, so when they boarded the Manchester Eye, Phil snuggled up against Dan. Dan put his arm around him.

“Dan - this goes really high up…” Phil whispered.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Dan gave his shoulder a reassuring rub. The wheel began to move, and slowly climbed higher. When they were near the top, Dan encouraged Phil to look down and out the window. “See? Makes you feel so big yet so small at the same time.”

“Yeah,” replied Phil, his eyes widening as his fear seemed to fade. “It’s really beautiful.”

“Yeah, you are,” said Dan, a smirk playing on his lips.

Phil blushed. “So are you.” Dan smiled and gently brushed Phil’s fringe away from his face.

“I’ve had a lot of fun today, Phil. Easily the best day of my life.”

“It’s not over yet. Not until the fat cat sings.”

“I don’t think that’s how the expression goes.”

“That’s not how your face goes.”

“That’s not how your mum goes.”

They laughed as the Eye rotated so they were at the very top.

“Still scared?” Dan asked Phil.

“Not anymore.”

“Me neither,” Dan murmured. Phil smiled him, and suddenly the city of Manchester wasn’t all that great to behold. Dan placed his free hand on the side of Phil’s face. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it might crack his ribcage. It was only fitting that it was trying to escape his body: it belonged to Phil now.

Dan leaned in tentatively, and Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist. He hesitated, appreciating just how handsome Phil’s face was up close: how his upper lip was shaped like the apex of a heart and his cute nose and Jesus you really can go swimming in those eyes.

Dan closed his eyes and leaned in. Phil closed the distance and their lips met ever so gently. Dan pressed a little harder, and Phil kissed back with equal force. Their lips began to move together slowly, testing the waters, just a few times, then they pulled away.

They smiled at each other shyly, and Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder, with his arms still wrapped around Dan’s middle. Dan kissed the top of Phil’s head as the Eye took them around several times. It didn’t quite feel like flying though. In fact, it paled in comparison.

***

They returned to Phil’s parent’s house late that night. Phil’s parents were away, so they had the house to themselves. It really wasn’t much different than their late-night Skype calls: they’d block out the rest of the world and talk for hours until one of them fell asleep. Only, this time, they could cuddle like they could only do virtually before.

Phil climbed sleepily into his own bed and collapsed. Dan followed hesitantly, making sure it was okay. It was indeed; Phil tossed his arm around Dan and pulled him close. Dan rested his head on Phil’s chest and listened to his strong and steady heartbeat.

Every so often during the night, it would hit Dan that Phil was really there. That his idol, his best friend, his confidant, was there in the flesh. That was one of those moments. Dan couldn’t help but smile. Phil was there, and Phil was his. And Dan loved him so much.

Phil must have been thinking the same thing. He rested his intertwined hands on Dan’s back, and crossed their legs over each other. Like he couldn’t get close enough.

“What are you thinking?” Dan whispered.

Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead. “That I’m really glad you found me.”

Dan sat up just enough to kiss Phil gently. “Me too.”

x

_April 19th, 2014_

More than four years later, Dan and Phil still couldn’t seem to get close enough to each other when they were alone. They wanted each other more than ever, and not always sexually. It was as though they still couldn’t believe the other was there. That they wanted assurance of the other’s physical presence: to touch each other’s skin and absorb the other’s scent and feel how soft their hair felt after a shower and  _Dan for the love of Lemongrab do you_ always _have to straighten your hair?!_  (And yes, yes he did.)

But, lately, Phil had become oddly distant.

Ever since Phil turned 27, he hadn’t come into Dan’s room to snuggle with him as Dan browsed Tumblr til 4 am. He had gotten out of bed before Dan woke up. He went into town without him. And in the notes that indicated he had done so, he didn’t sign them “Love, Phil”. Just “Phil”.

Dan had reached 4 million subscribers before Phil reached 2 million. Double the success in half the time. And as much as he tried to brush it off, it really did bother Phil, and Dan could tell something was wrong.

“Hey,” Dan greeted Phil as he plopped down on the sofa next to him. Phil continued to scroll through his twitter feed on his laptop with a crinkled brow. “Phil?”

“Yeah?” he answered without looking away from the screen.

Dan shut the lid in frustration. “Phil. Something’s up. I know there’s something, so you can stop pretending. Talk to me.”

Phil sighed. “It’s not fair, okay? I’m so happy for you, Dan, I really am. But you’ve got double the subscribers I have in half the time. I’ve been on YouTube twice as long as you and I’ve gotten half as far.”

“Phil,” said Dan, reaching for his hand. Phil retracted it away. “Phil, you know subscriber count is just a number.”

“Oh, and I suppose age is just a number too? I’m 27 now. I’m practically 30.”

They had had part of this argument immediately following Phil’s birthday. Phil refused to believe that he had accomplished enough for his age.

“There are more important things.”

“Like what? We’re YouTubers. If subscribers don’t measure worth than I don’t know what does. Maybe hotness or something.”

“Phil, you turnip -”

“Don’t start with me, Dan. You’re hotter than me. You always have been, and you always will be. You ever read the comments of your videos? Check your tumblr tag? Read the comments of my videos? Whenever we’re compared I always fall short. Everyone prefers you.”

“You know that’s not true! You have the most loyal -”

“YES IT IS!” Phil shouted. Phil never raised his voice. “Our radio show is called Dan and Phil, not Phil and Dan. I can’t live in your shadow anymore, Dan.”

They had agreed forever ago that  _Dan and Phil_  was just fine with both of them. And it was alphabetical, which was the norm in the radio business.

“Phil, will you listen to me?”

“No, because you always get me to do whatever you want. Maybe I should start looking out for me first, instead of us. We do live separate lives, you know,” Phil said mockingly. Dan was always trying to convince their fans of that.

“We do, Phil. But we’re a team. We’re a couple. And I do want you to think of yourself before you think of me. I wish you could see how wonderful you are on your own.”

“On my own?”

“Yeah. You’re Phil Lester. And that’s pretty fucking amazing if you ask me.”

“I’m not so sure I’m qualified to be AmazingPhil.”

“Nobody else -”

“Dan, no. Just, stop, okay? I don’t think I can measure up to danisnotonfire anymore.” Phil stood up and rushed to his room. Dan followed him, taking the steps two at a time. Phil dragged a suitcase from his closet, and Dan’s heart sank into his stomach.

“Phil, please don’t do this.”

“It’s the only way. I’m a grown man, it’s about time I started putting my career first,” he said, refusing to look Dan in the eyes.

“I’ll do anything. What can I do? Do you want me to take a break from YouTube? Do you want to tell our fans about our relationship?”

Phil stopped packing and looked up at him. “What good would that do? Only more proof that I’m riding your coattails,” he mumbled and resumed throwing t-shirts into the bag.

“You’re being ridiculous!” Dan shouted. “You’re not making any sense! Why didn’t you tell me all of this before? God, are you really so stubborn that you’ll just bottle shit up like this for weeks? And now what, you’re leaving? Where are you going?”

Phil zipped up the suitcase. “Bryony’s or Chris’s. Whoever will have me.”

“They’ll tell you you’re being a jealous idiot, and to get your ass back here where you belong.”

If the scale wasn’t tipped against Dan before, it definitely was now. He had clearly said the wrong thing. And now it was too late.

Phil left the room, and Dan was too stunned to follow. He heard him collecting up his camera, laptop, and other assorted electronics. After 15 minutes of unplugging and shuffling noises, it grew silent. Dan practically ran down the stairs, and there was Phil, perched at the bottom step by the front door.

“Phil, I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me,” Dan’s voice finally broke.

Phil’s expression was dead: contorted into a mask of emotionlessness that was worse than anger and jealousy and sadness combined.

“Phil, I love you. I love you so much. I will scream it from the hilltops until you believe me. Just tell me what you want, I’ll do anything,” he pleaded.

“I want that to be enough. But it’s not, Dan. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Sometimes… sometimes I think I’d be better off if you hadn’t found me.”

And then he left.

Dan couldn’t stop shaking enough to climb the stairs, so he curled up on the floor next to the front door. He wanted to know the second Phil came back. But he didn’t.

x

_May 19th, 2014_

Phil had started living with Bryony. He came by the flat to gather more of his belongings when Dan wasn’t there. Dan would come home and notice that more of Phil’s clothes were missing. He didn’t even lock the door every time he left. There was nothing left that he cared enough to protect.

Frankly, it felt wrong to live there without Phil. It felt wrong to be without Phil. As though the moon were missing from the sky, morning after morning, night after night. How can you get used to that?

Phil had made a video about a week after the Day Everything Went to Hell, explaining that he was now living with Bryony, but completely glazing over the fight with Dan. He told his subscribers not to worry. How could they settle for that?

Dan hadn’t made a video or done a live show since. He refused to acknowledge Phil at all in tweets. He did tweet so his fans knew that he was alive, but that he was going through a rough time and he appreciated their compassion.

Those two pieces together practically confirmed all of the theories that they had had a massive fight (and broken up, according to the Phan shippers).

And it was hard on Dan, so impossibly difficult to have to avoid the internet, which was  the source of his livelihood.

Sorting out their radio show was almost impossible, but eventually the producers agreed to have them switch off every other week. They had to refrain from too much audience interaction, though; understandably, half the tweets, emails, and calls they received were worried fans just wanting to know what happened.

Dan wished he could tell them, because he wasn’t sure himself.

Frankly, he wasn’t sure how long the BBC would keep them. After all, they were supposed to be Radio 1’s “internet correspondents”. But with most of the viewers expressing concern about their falling out in every medium, that was difficult to do. Not to mention the fact that Dan couldn’t stand to play any happy love songs, or anything by Muse, and it hurt to say only “You’re listening to Dan and- Dan on Radio 1.”

He had just done his second radio show alone, and he was just glad it was over. He tried to be professional and put on a good show, but wasn’t fooling anyone. As soon as he could leave the studio, he did, and pulled out his phone. He had a text from Chris.

_You alright, mate?_

_Obviously not. I bet that was exceedingly painful to watch._

_I won’t lie, it was. You want to grab something to eat in town? There’s a great pizza place not far from the BBC._

_I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but no thanks._

_Dan, isolating yourself from the people who care about you is the worst thing to do right now. We don’t have to talk about that. Just two mates having pizza on a Sunday night._

_Alright._

He walked to the restaurant with his hands shoved in his pockets and his head down. Chris met up with him soon after; he seemed to be extra chipper and more comical than Dan had ever seen him.

It felt good to laugh, but the sound came out so disingenuous that Dan couldn’t blame Chris for breaking his promise.

“Dan, look, I know I said we didn’t have to talk about it, but…”

“No, it’s okay. I probably need to say it aloud.” He took a deep breath and dug his fingers into his own thigh to keep from crying.

“After Phil turned 27, he had this massive existential crisis, basically. He felt like he wasn’t doing enough with his life and he started comparing himself to me. He started obsessing over views and stats and subscriber counts, and I just…” his voice trailed off. Chris nodded sympathetically, and waited patiently for him to continue.

“It sucks because he was right, too. He deserves more subscribers than me. He’s always so consistent and follows through on his promises and has been at it so long. He should have quadruple the subscribers I do. But he knows that not how it works and I never thought it would come to this…” Fuck, Dan was crying now. Chris reached across the table and placed a comforting hand on his arm.

“But he just got fed up with me and left. And I’m so fucking lost without him. Do you know what it’s like to lose your better half?”

“No, I don’t,” Chris answered, giving Dan’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I really am. But you know Phil better than anyone. What do you think will come of this?”

That was a legitimate question that Dan had avoided for the past month. He didn’t want to think about it, because he was afraid of the conclusion he might come to.

“I dunno,” he sniffed.

“Well, I don’t want to pass out false hope, but Phil is smart. You know that. He’s certainly not dumb enough to throw away what you two have. It’s something special, Dan. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Yeah, well, evidently that wasn’t enough for him.” Dan pulled his arm away and dug in his pocket for his wallet. He placed a twenty-pound note on the table. “I really appreciate you doing this, Chris. I really really do. But I’m not so sure that you’re right.” Chris nodded solemnly and bade him goodbye.

***

He returned to his flat late that night, and wasn’t surprised to see that Phil had been there in his absence. All of Phil’s belongings besides his furniture were gone now. Dan tried not to think about the fact that he could no longer sleep in Phil’s bed. Even without Phil to maintain it, it had still smelled like him.

And it all just hurt. Dan hadn’t felt a positive emotion in too goddamn long. He just wanted to feel good again. He used to just wank whenever the urge to feel good struck him, but he only thought about Phil when he did that, and he knew he probably shouldn’t. It hardly mattered, though, because he thought about Phil the vast majority of the time.

He had heavily considered shutting his hand in a door or scratching his legs or something, just to feel the euphoria of the endorphins. But as soon as he braced himself to do it, he remembered the time over four years ago that he had scratched himself so badly that he drew blood, and Phil was there.

He had caught Dan in the act, in fact, sitting on the bathroom floor of his Uni dorm. Phil knew Dan was stressed out so he came to surprise him. He found him lying there in his boxers with scratches all up and down his thighs, wanting to feel good because Uni was so difficult and he didn’t know what he was doing and what even is law anyway and fuck everything.

Phil had offered him his own arm. “Do it to me instead,” he had said.

“What?”

“Do it. I’d rather you hurt me than hurt yourself.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

And then Phil understood.

He had cleaned and bandaged him up, and held him the whole rest of the night. As he pulled the covers up around both of them, he whispered, “This is our fort, and no one can hurt you here. Especially not you. And when we emerge from our fort tomorrow, we’ll figure this out. We’ll get down to business and defeat the buns.”

“That’s not how it goes at all,” Dan had said with a giggle.

“I know, I just wanted to see you smile,” he had replied, placing a kiss on Dan’s nose and squeezing him tightly.

Even after what Phil had done to him, Dan still wouldn’t be able to hurt Phil. He took deep breaths and reminded himself that self-destructive behavior wouldn’t make Phil come back, nor would it help him at all. He couldn’t rely on Phil to kiss his scars anymore. And there was no beauty in needing someone else to make you feel good enough.

And suddenly, he understood why Phil had said all of those things. Phil felt like he needed Dan to accomplish anything, and that had put a hole through his self-worth. Phil wanted to be independent.

Dan could hardly be angry at him for that, but he was sure there were better ways to go about it. Like, maybe, talking to him about it first instead of just packing up and leaving?

Regardless, Dan clung to the hope that once Phil had figured out how to be his own person, he’d come back. Maybe Dan could even use this time to become more emotionally independent. Or stuff his face with Malteasers. Whichever came first.

x

_July 19th, 2014_

Phil tried to distance himself from Dan’s name as much as possible. He had started making regular videos again. Half of the comments on them asked about Dan.

Most of his fans were lovely about it, though. They respected his privacy and knew that he would tell them what happened if and when he was ready. But, nearly all of them were concerned. What had happened to their favorite duo? Were they okay? How were their careers going to survive separately?

Phil knew his career would suffer after his separation from Dan. But, he wanted to prove to himself that he could just be Phil, not the lesser half of Dan and Phil. He needed to believe that he didn’t depend on anyone else to succeed. That, over time, his hard work would pay off for him and him alone.

_September 19th, 2014_

That hard work did pay off, eventually. Phil had surpassed Dan in terms of subscribers. That might have been due to the fact that Dan lost a lot of subscribers since he stopped making videos.

Phil had sat at his computer refreshing until the count had surpassed Dan’s.

And he had never felt so hollow.

He stared at the number until he was full-blown scowling at it. That stupid fucking number didn’t mean anything. If it had, wouldn’t he be happy now? He’d outdone Dan. He had the recognition he wanted.

But not like that. Not like this. Never like this.

He shut his laptop in disgust and tossed it aside. Suddenly, the room felt incredibly small and stuffy and he couldn’t stand to sit there any longer. He ambled to Bryony’s living room, where she was watching tv, and joined her on the sofa, sitting down and hugging his knees.

He couldn’t have told you what show it was; he stared blankly at the shapes and the movements and the colors but didn’t take any of it in. When the episode of god-knows-what was over, Bryony turned the tv off.

“You alright, Phil?” she asked tentatively.

“I have more subscribers than Dan,” he replied flatly.

Bryony looked momentarily surprised. It was understood that they didn’t mention Dan unless it was absolutely necessary. At least, she had adopted that rule to spare Phil’s feelings. It was ironic, really, because all he did was obsess over Dan and refuse to admit it.

“Congrats,” she said her expression softening. “I know you’ve worked hard and that’s what you wanted.”

“I’m beginning to question that.”

“Well, what do you want then?”

“I wanted to have something to show for myself. To be more than just Dan’s sidekick. To know that something has come of all of this time and effort that I’ve put into YouTube.”

“Phil, you know you’re more than Dan’s sidekick. You’re equals. And you have millions of loving, loyal fans. I wanted to be a good friend and support you and take you in in your time of need, but, truth is you’re being an insecure twat. You’ve got to believe in yourself. And be proud: you’ve come so far and it doesn’t matter how long it’s taken you to get here.”

“I guess I’ve been pretty stupid.”

“Yeah, you have,” she said with a laugh. Phil buried his face in his hands. “But you never answered my question. What do you want now?”

“Doesn’t matter, I can’t have it back,” he mumbled, and stormed back to his room.

She was right, of course. Absolutely right. He had destroyed the best part of his life in a single fit of jealous rage. But now it was too late.

What could he do now? It had been months. He owed Dan his space, now that he had forced it upon him. The least he could do is leave him be.

But he loved Dan. He had never stopped loving him since the day they laid eyes on each other. Dan was everything he wanted and needed. And he had tried to talk sense into him. He offered to do things he never would have otherwise. And Phil had just ignored him, because he knew he’d do anything Dan wanted him to do.

He was selfish and jealous and Dan was right about everything. They were better as a team: two dorky internet loafers that were polar opposites yet simultaneously the same person. They balanced each other out, and were always there when the other needed them. That was their unspoken promise. And Phil had broken it. He had fucked everything up, and for that he was an idiot, but he was an even bigger idiot if he didn’t try to fix it.

If one thing was for sure, it was that Bryony’s place had not once felt like home to him. His home wasn’t a place, really; it was a person.

But he was terrified to just show up to their flat and beg Dan for forgiveness. Dan shouldn’t take him back. Dan should tell him to fuck off. Dan should tell him that he hates him and doesn’t deserve his trust. After everything they’d been through, he left Dan heartbroken.

He knew Dan was functioning, but he hadn’t spoken to him directly at all. He didn’t want to face the reality of what he had done to the person that meant the most to him.

Phil stayed awake that entire night, staring at the ceiling of Bryony’s guest room, pretending the pillow was Dan, like he always did (whether he admitted it to himself or not). After two hours, he had an epiphany.

If he couldn’t go directly to their flat, he had to settle for the next best place: Manchester Piccadilly Station. That was their place. It had meant so much to them to be able to meet there. In fact, it was their go-to place.

When they lived in Manchester, they had had a fight about moving to London. Phil had been uncharacteristically moody the day Dan had suggested it; that coupled with the scary thought of moving so far from his home in Rossendale made Phil reject the idea. Dan was offended that Phil had taken it so personally, and called him an “immature man-child”.

Phil had stormed out in his anger, and went to the station, as that was the first place he thought of. Dan knew exactly where to find him, and had showed up not two hours later, with Starbucks and his sincerest apologies.

Phil knew that if Dan forgave him and wanted to restart, he’d go there.

And when he arrived, Phil would be waiting for him.

x

_September 26th, 2014_

Phil thanked Bryony for her hospitality, and packed his things to move back with his parents (hopefully temporarily). If he was going to spend most of his waking hours at Piccadilly, it would help to be a lot closer than Bryony’s flat in London.

Every morning, he made the relatively short commute to the station. He spent most of the afternoon sitting on the bench that he once saw a younger, beautiful, nervous Dan sitting at. He went on his laptop, editing old videos to post to keep his subscribers happy. They were, understandably, still upset that Phil had not told them about what was happening. He couldn’t bring himself to do it just yet, though. He didn’t want them to bother Dan, who had seemingly disappeared off the internet. (Phil made sure he was okay through mutual friends. They said he was alright, but needed some time ‘unplugged’.)

Phil had to admit that there were better ways to go about this than sitting in a train station for hours every day, for an indeterminate amount of time, on the off-chance that Dan would show up and make everything alright. But he didn’t know what else to do without being confrontational. He didn’t do well with confrontation; that was painfully obvious.

And so he would wait. Every day for five hours, he would sit at their bench and wait. He knew that he need only be there in the late afternoons and evenings, as those were the only times that Dan could feasibly be there, between the travel time and the time he usually woke up. He contemplated making a sign, so Dan would see it if he arrived, but he knew that Dan would know where to go.

To Phil’s surprise, he got recognized by fans several times a day. Naturally, they asked what he was doing there. He sighed.

“I’m waiting,” was all he would tell them.

_October 11th, 2014_

The employees at the station had gotten used to Phil’s presence, and greeted him cheerily every day. A few of them had asked what he was doing there; one of them was quite suspicious of him at first. Oh, yes, Phil thought sarcastically, I’m sure I look very threatening with my sticker-covered laptop and bear t-shirts.

A few fans who made daily stops at Piccadilly would greet him as well. One of them had made him a cushion to sit on so he wouldn’t hurt his back. Phil wondered why he ever thought quantity was more important than quality.

_October 13th, 2014_

An old woman with a walker sat down next to Phil on his bench.

“Just resting my feet,” she said with a kind smile.

“By all means,” he replied, scooting over to give her more space.

“Ya know, I’ve seen you here a lot. Whatchu doing here all the time? Surely a handsome young man like yourself has got places to be.” Phil hesitated before answering. He seemed to attract weird strangers in public places, but this woman had a pleasant demeanor, and seemed pretty easygoing.

“Not really,” he said. “I’m waiting for someone.”

“A pretty girl, eh? There’s plenty of them ‘round here.”

“Yeah, but I’m holding out for a very specific someone.”

She smiled and peeked over at his computer. His favorite picture of him and Dan was his desktop background. They had posed for a selfie, and at the last second, Dan had sneaked a kiss onto Phil’s cheek. The resulting picture was quite adorable.

“Ah, I see. Why isn’t he here?”

“I was stupid and I walked out on him - on us. I know that if he decides to start over, he’ll come here.”

“Maybe you should give ‘im a little push. You can’t sit ‘round here for the rest of your life.”

“I would, though,” Phil replied quietly. She nodded sympathetically.

“Does he know you’re sorry?”

“I dunno. I’d hope so.”

“Make sure he knows. Then he’ll come running. Good luck, love.” She used his shoulder as a support to get up, smiled, then ambled away on her walker.

Phil supposed she was right; how did he expect anything to change if he didn’t make it happen? So he went about it the only way he knew how, and pulled out his vlogging camera.

_October 18th, 2014_

Dan had been slightly better of late; he carried out his responsibilities, did his radio show, and really worked on gaining back his confidence. But that was incredibly difficult to say the least. The sadness and loneliness and general disinterest in life all blended together to create a firecracker of a person. Dan snapped or broke down at the slightest provocation.

His friends (almost all of which were mutual with Phil) had continued to be supportive and reach out to him. He was grateful, he really was. But they couldn’t get rid of the echo in their flat or the fact that Dan had lost a lot of weight or that he was in danger of being evicted because he couldn’t afford the rent - but he just couldn’t leave. This was his and Phil’s home. It wasn’t the same without him - but he just couldn’t leave. Those walls were the only things keeping Dan together, while simultaneously breaking him apart.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t leave because Phil would come back. And then he remembered that that’s pathetic and ironic because Phil left to be his own person and now there Dan was, incapable of being the best version of himself without Phil, and missing the piece of him that Phil had taken.

And, there was another piece of him missing, as silly as it was: the internet. He had steered clear of it as much as possible for several weeks, and it was absolutely killing him. He remembered that he was trying to be himself, and the internet was part of him. Out of habit, he went straight to YouTube. Phil had posted a video on his side channel about a week prior, and that was on his front page. It was titled “ApologizingPhil”. Dan’s heart leapt into his throat as he clicked on the thumbnail.

“Hey guys,” Phil’s blurry face greeted him. Dan couldn’t recognize the background of the video. There was quite a lot of noise. “So I feel like I owe all of you an explanation. Things have been really weird lately so it’s time to just tell you. As you probably guessed, Dan and I had a falling out. But before I get into that, I just wanted to say that I love all of you so much. You’ve all been so supportive and understanding, and I wish I had seen that earlier.”

Phil swallowed and shifted around for a moment before continuing. “So I was a big fat idiot. I was really jealous of Dan’s success. I became obsessed with subscriber counts and stupid stuff like that. It’s taken me way too long to see that those things don’t matter. I wouldn’t care if there’s twelve or twelve billion of you, because you’re the most loving, loyal, amazing fans I could ever want. I owe you guys everything, and I appreciate you letting me be a professional internet hobo for a living. I’m sorry I didn’t see that before.”

“But, like I said, I was selfish and I took most of it out on Dan. We had this horrible fight and I said so many things I didn’t mean and -” he sniffed, apparently holding back tears. “And I walked out on the best thing that ever happened to me. Dan, if you’re watching, I want you to know how sorry I am. You’re more important to me than any silly numbers, and I’m so proud of you. It’s been a privilege to watch you grow and help you into being the person you want to be. I haven’t been the person  _I_ want to be lately. But I can’t do it without you.” Phil paused to wipe his eyes.

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, because I don’t deserve it. But I just wanted you to know that I was wrong and I’m sorry and we were always better as a team and I should have known that. If you ever want to, you know where to find me.”

The camera panned around, and Dan recognized the setting immediately. The video ended. Dan wiped his eyes, sprang out of the chair, and was out the door in a flash.

x

_October 18th, 2014_

Dan spent most of his train journey to Manchester nervously tapping against any flat surface he could reach. He tried mentally rehearsing what he was going to say to Phil, but it felt wrong. Seeing Phil’s face in the flesh would bring the words to him, he was sure.

To pass the time, Dan finally logged back on to all of his social media sites. It didn’t surprise him that literally thousands of people had tweeted him Phil’s video. He had gotten the full story in the comments: evidently, Phil had been travelling to Piccadilly every day for almost a month, waiting for him. Any residual anger Dan may have had seemed to evaporate. If that didn’t show how much Phil cared, he didn’t know what would.

Most of the comments, tweets, and tumblr posts were loving and full of hope. While their fans didn’t know about everything that went on in his and Phil’s relationship, they were really spot on in many respects. They seemed to understand that everything would be okay as long as they had each other. At least, that’s what Dan hoped, too.

_October 19th, 2014_

Dan arrived at Piccadilly at about 4am. An hour or so into his trip there, it dawned on him that he’d reach Manchester at some odd hour of the morning, and that he shouldn’t expect Phil to be there. However, it had been too late, and honestly, he hadn’t even considered it previously. All he could think was that Phil was waiting for him, and the sooner he got to him, the better.

The station was quite deserted when he unsteadily stepped off the train. He tried taking deep breaths to calm himself, but that was futile. His feet knew where to take him and before he knew it, he spotted Phil. Naturally, he was at their bench. He was slumped over, asleep, and using his backpack as a pillow. Dan noticed one of the employees keeping a watchful eye on Phil.

Dan’s heart seemed to be throbbing in double time as he crouched down in front of Phil. He gently brushed his dark hair from his face and whispered “Phil?” Phil shifted around but did not open his eyes. “Phil?” Dan repeated, louder this time. Phil’s eyelids fluttered open and blinked in confusion for several moments. When he finally took Dan in, he sat bolt upright.

“Dan?!” he exclaimed in disbelief. He rubbed his eyes and took a few moments to gather his wits about him. “Are you really here?”

“Of course I am, you turnip,” said Dan, taking a seat beside him. “Better question is, what are you doing here? The fans said you only came in the afternoons and evenings.”

“Well, today’s kind of special, so I couldn’t leave…” his voice trailed off, as if he didn’t think Dan had noticed the date. Of course he had; it was the fifth anniversary of the first time they had been in that spot together.

Dan smiled, but didn’t know where to begin. Phil made the decision for him, though, and launched into an apology: “Dan, I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen, I was so selfish -” Phil stammered.

“I know,” Dan said with a smirk. He knew what he was going to say now. “Can I say something first?”

Phil nodded, and Dan steeled himself to begin. “Phil, I’m sorry too. I never should have let you think that you weren’t good enough. I should have told you how important you are every day -”

“Dan, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Phil interjected.

“Can I finish?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“If I had been doing my job right, you never would have doubted that you are wonderful and create such amazing things, because that’s my job. It’s my job as your biggest fan to make you feel loved and appreciated. Underneath it all, I’m still your number one fan; just that lonely teenager watching AmazingPhil on his computer, wishing he could be just like him, and be his best friend. And here I am,” Dan chuckled.

“It’s all thanks to you, really. I owe you everything, Phil. Not just my YouTube career or radio career or whatever. Because you gave me the courage to put myself out there. To be unapologetically me at all times. And to think that, maybe, just maybe, that’s the best thing I can be.”

“Dan,” Phil sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes.

“I should have told you that earlier. But I guess we’re both guilty of that. So, I’ll forgive you if you forgive me. Because we are Dan and Phil. And even though both of those things are pretty great on their own, I think it’s time they reunited.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” replied Phil, throwing his arms around Dan and refusing to let go. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too. Been to hell and back, actually, but I won’t hold that against you.”

Phil pulled away suddenly, looking very concerned.

“Phil, I’m joking. I’ve said everything I needed to say. I just want things to get back to normal.”

“I’d like that as well,” Phil replied with a smile, grabbing Dan’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

“Also, how can I be mad when you’ve been camping out at Peasant Central here for weeks?”

Phil blushed. “Yeah, I wanted to make this grand romantic gesture. Then I realized it required a certain degree of mind-reading abilities. So that’s when I made the video.”

“It might have worked if I weren’t so lazy, actually. I did think about coming here a few times. Thought it might give me closure.”

“I’m sor-”

“If you say you’re sorry one more time, I’m going to skin you and feed you to that woman that won’t stop staring at us,” Dan said, unable to hold back a laugh. His eyes darted to the employee he had seen before.

Phil laughed. “That’s Janice. She’s lovely; she said she’d make sure nobody stole my bag or my face in the dead of night. I told her all about you. Well, frankly, I told everyone in this station about you: the workers, the people who just randomly asked me what I was doing here, the old lady who encouraged me to tell you where I was, etc.”

Dan blushed. “I couldn’t stop talking or thinking about you either, you spoon,” he said affectionately. “C’mon now, let’s go home.”

They walked to their train hand in hand, almost unable to glance away from each other.

Going back to London at that hour was quite unreasonable, so they made the trip back to Phil’s parent’s house. Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder most of the way, but didn’t sleep.

“You can sleep, it’s okay.”

“I’m afraid that if I do, you’ll disappear,” Phil whispered. Dan slung his arm around Phil and pressed his lips to his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me neither.”

“Good, because I plan on annoying you for a very, very long time.”

“I can’t wait,” Phil replied with a yawn, letting his eyelids droop closed.

***

Phil had fixed up his old room almost exactly the way it used to be. The wallpaper and furniture was different, but with all the posters and adorable trinkets it was undeniably  _Phil_  once more.

Phil collapsed dramatically onto his bed, and motioned for Dan to join him. Dan snuggled up next to Phil, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head over Phil’s heart. Phil stroked Dan’s hair softly and murmured, “Remember -?” It sounded like he was going to continue, but was cut off by a yawn.

“Of course I do,” Dan replied with a giggle. He knew exactly what Phil was referring to, naturally. They had done this exact thing five years ago. They had been so happy just to be in each other’s arms, to listen to the other’s breathing and know that they were really there. Not much had changed, really. Of course, a lot had happened, but the feeling remained.

“Was the best night of my life,” Phil mused.

“Mine too.”

“Copycat.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Dan took that as his invitation; he took Phil’s face between his hands and kissed him hard. He grew more gentle with each successive kiss, and let their lips glide over each other slowly.

Phil pulled away and kissed Dan’s nose. “Hey Dan?”

“Yes, Phil?”

“I love you a lot and you’re the only person I want to be with for the rest of forever.”

“Ditto.”

“That’s not how this is supposed to work!” Phil let out an exasperated giggle.

“I know, I just love seeing you all flustered.”

“You’re incredibly annoying.”

“But you love it.”

“True.”

“And I love you.”

“Also true.”

Dan smiled as he pressed his lips to Phil’s once more.

“Hey Phil?”

“Yes, Dan?”

“I’m really glad you found me.”

Phil blinked in confusion; after all, it was Dan who had sought him out. Dan smiled, closed his eyes, and nuzzled into Phil’s chest. Phil remembered what Dan had said earlier, about Phil giving him the confidence to find his niche. Then Phil understood. He had a feeling they were both right where they were supposed to be: together.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, please consider leaving a comment or kudos. You can also [reblog it here](http://thatsmistertoyou.tumblr.com/post/65967060843/the-man-who-cant-be-moved) or come [say hi](http://thatsmistertoyou.tumblr.com/mail) on tumblr. Thank you for reading <3


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